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- BUSINESS, Page 53Pigs Always Get Slaughtered
-
-
- By STEFAN KANFER
-
-
- Wall Street is a thoroughfare with a river at one end and
- a cemetery at the other. Not long ago, brokers were fantasizing
- at the water's edge, wondering whether they should buy the
- Boston Whaler or peddle a few more shares and go for the 46-ft.
- cabin cruiser. Today they are at the other end of the street,
- dressed in black, standing at the grave and stealing furtive
- looks at one another, wondering who will be the next to go.
-
- No one can say the warning wasn't loud and clear. Loud,
- anyway. There was the eminent economist Charlie Sheen, strutting
- through Wall Street, the movie, only to find himself lost in his
- penthouse, staring out at the city and wondering, "Who am I?"
-
- There was Sherman McCoy, the doomed bond trader of The
- Bonfire of the Vanities, a self-styled Master of the Universe,
- undone by ambition, facing disgrace, jail and the most hideous
- possibility of all, subways.
-
- There was bewhiskered Ivan Boesky staring out from behind
- bars: Santa Claus as perp. There were the elaborate designs of
- Michael Milken and Robert Campeau, rasping apart like Velcro.
-
- And there was the unwritten law: Bulls Can Make Money. Bears
- Can Make Money. Pigs Always Get Slaughtered.
-
- But no one paid attention. Just as Marxism is being
- dismantled by its managers, the market is being undone by its
- junkmen. Or is it? Capitalism seems to thrive on periodic
- collapses. After all, the Drexel affair is only the latest float
- in a parade of American infamies. They date back to the early
- 19th century, when a hustler named Daniel Drew delivered some
- livestock to the plutocrats Henry and John Jay Astor. On the
- last three days of the trip from Ohio to New York, Drew refused
- to let his cattle drink. Just before they clomped up to the
- weighing station, he let the animals slake their thirst at a
- shallow creek.
-
- Appraising the swollen cattle as they weighed in, Henry
- Astor allowed as how he had bought "a fine herd." The next
- morning he looked out over a group of scrawny, dehydrated
- creatures. "I have been sold watered stock!" he bellowed, and
- Wall Street gained a new term for swindle.
-
- After the Civil War, speculator Jim Fisk attempted to corner
- the gold market. The price escalated until President U.S. Grant
- stepped in and unloaded $4 million worth of Government gold
- certificates. The tactic worked, but prices on the stock
- exchange kept on plummeting for two years. The small investor,
- as always, suffered the most. But it was Fisk whose complaint
- entered history: "A fellow can't have a little innocent fun,
- without everyone raising a haloo and going wild."
-
- In 1920 Charles Ponzi promised a return of 50% in less than
- two months. The plot was ingeniously simple: he paid the early
- customers (and himself) with money from the later ones. When the
- whistle blew he was $3 million in arrears. Ponzi served a
- three-year sentence. Paroled, he advertised a new scheme, 200%
- in 60 days. He was rearrested and eventually deported to his
- native Italy. Only two things were left behind: the usual dupes
- and the name Ponzi schemes, still used to describe illegal
- methods of fleecing the sheep.
-
- Nine years afterward, the same sort of naifs were asking
- themselves a question: If you could purchase a $1,000 car for
- $100 down, why couldn't you acquire stock the same way? In 1929
- that kind of instant gratification was called buying on margin.
- As the market crashed, the president of the New York Stock
- Exchange remained confident. Federal regulations were
- unnecessary, said Richard Whitney. "The exchange is a perfect
- institution." After he left office, Whitney was indicted for
- selling stock on insufficient capital. He was $6 million short,
- even after he dipped into funds of the New York Yacht Club,
- where he was treasurer. Whitney was conveyed to Sing Sing. He
- was said to be the only inmate ever called Mister by fellow
- prisoners and wardens.
-
- A generation later came Bernie Cornfeld with his
- exhortation, "Do you sincerely want to be rich?" His company,
- Investors Overseas Services, specialized in mutual funds. "We're
- in the business of totally converting the proletariat to the
- leisured class," Cornfeld boasted. An IOS manager recalled the
- process in less exalted terms: "We bought stocks at $90, not
- because they were worth $90, but because we believed that
- tomorrow they would be at $120. When we went home nights, we
- just hoped the goddam company would still be there in the
- morning."
-
- One morning the goddam company was not there. The vastly
- overextended IOS had fallen victim to the bear market of 1970.
- So had Cornfeld, who gave up his castles in France and
- Switzerland, as well as his jet and Rolls-Royce. Today he is
- dealing real estate in Europe, his celebrated harem now "down
- to sort of a skeleton crew of three or four."
-
- And then there was . . . But the catalog is endless. Events
- of the past week can only lend credence to playwright Henrik
- Ibsen's observance, "Those heroes of finance are like beads on
- a string -- when one slips off, the rest follow." Is there any
- possibility of knotting that string? Or is scandal as much a
- part of the market as the NASDAQ? Can the greedy be saved from
- themselves? Or does Midas play as big a role as Oedipus in the
- human psyche?
-
- The indications are not promising. Reformers are at work and
- investors are wary, but memories are short. Those with big eyes
- and small incomes are advised to heed the warning of Richard
- Armour:
-
- That money talks
- I'll not deny,
- I heard it once:
- It said, "Good-bye."
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